Mood: Depressed
Ok so there is a lot of things going on with this competition and for once I will keep my mouth shut and not gripe about them. I cannot say enough how proud I am of EVERY person in this competition, the ones still here as well as the ones who are gone. When you sit and watch reality tv you never know what it is exactly that they are going through. I love to watch Big Brother and you never know what is going on with these people mentally. You never even think about it. To be locked in a house for 3 months with no connection to the outside world. WOW! I can't imagine it because I have never been in that situation. In this competition we wake up at the gym and go to bed at the gym. We go through so much that I will not go into details because the outside world thinks it "bitching and whining". We all know what we go through and I would NEVER expect anyone on the outside to understand. This week has been the hardest week for me mentally, physically, and emotionally. I consider myself to be a very strong person in more ways than I ever knew. I have found myself and I have lost myself. I have had my share of battles as well as struggles in life just as the next person. But this week I just broke! My spirit is still here but I am mentally, physically, and emotionally broke. I still have enough fight in me to finish this competition because I will never quit. But I have had enough. I, just as everyone in this, has given more than we ever thought possible. I have done things that I never thought I would or could ever do. I have been pushed to limits beyond anything I have ever seen or heard. I have never once said no, I can't, I won't. I have always tried and I have always given it my all. But I am now to the point where I feel my all is not enough. I feel that nothing I do is enough. Yet I will keep pushing myself to do more. I am sorry if I have in anyway hurt anyones feelings. I am not crying or whining or bitching, so please don't kick me while I am down by posting any crap about me being a crybaby. I am just blogging to let all my friends know how I feel and I am here for them because I know right now some are in the same boat as I. I will keep paddling the boat for us no matter how rough this storm may get! DONT GIVE UP!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Posted by ~*~NiKi CoChRaN aka C.S.I ~*~ FOOD FIGHTERS TEAM~*~Q107.5 Memphis' Biggest Loser at 12:47 PM
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5 comments:
Niki, it's me ONE more time. You look absolutely wonderful. But, you look so down in your last picture. Like I said before, we don't know each other, but, I can tell our personalities are alot alike. You should hold your head up and be very proud of your accomplishments. You have lost so much weight and I know myself how hard it is to lose weight. Sometimes writing is the best form of expressing your feelings. So if makes you feel better, I say let it all out. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about you and if they don't like what you have to say, then they can get off of your page!!!! All that matters is that you have done your best and given it your all. I believe you have done all of that and more. I write this to you for one reason, I can tell in your heart that you really want to win this competition, not just for the money or the trip, but, also to be a healthier individual. I never had anyone to cheer me on when I was losing all my weight. I did it solo and I did it for me!!! Sometimes, someones kind words are all we need to keep going. I hope this will help you make it through this. Good luck Niki and God bless you.
Anonymous had it right. And Niki...thank you. As I said today, I couldn't have done this without you.
I know your tired baby and no you are not whining or b****ing. I just want to let you know how very proud of you I am. Everyone in this competition has done an amazing job and they should all be proud of themselves. You know I'm here for you no matter how you feel. Keep rocking on baby!!! You're doing awesome! I LOVE YOU!!
"I'm depressed all the time and just can't get out of this funk. I don't know what's wrong with me." - Me
"Chris, you need to get a life" - Mom
Where's mom when you could use some motherly advice. lmao!!
Niki, We have all had that moment in this competition. Yours just came later than everyone elses. It will pass. Stay tough, fight hard. One of my kids wore a t-shirt that said "pull up your big girl panties and deal with it." Its kind of my theme right now. Made me laugh. Hope you laugh too.
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