Memphis' BIGGEST Loser

Mood: Depressed

Ok so there is a lot of things going on with this competition and for once I will keep my mouth shut and not gripe about them. I cannot say enough how proud I am of EVERY person in this competition, the ones still here as well as the ones who are gone. When you sit and watch reality tv you never know what it is exactly that they are going through. I love to watch Big Brother and you never know what is going on with these people mentally. You never even think about it. To be locked in a house for 3 months with no connection to the outside world. WOW! I can't imagine it because I have never been in that situation. In this competition we wake up at the gym and go to bed at the gym. We go through so much that I will not go into details because the outside world thinks it "bitching and whining". We all know what we go through and I would NEVER expect anyone on the outside to understand. This week has been the hardest week for me mentally, physically, and emotionally. I consider myself to be a very strong person in more ways than I ever knew. I have found myself and I have lost myself. I have had my share of battles as well as struggles in life just as the next person. But this week I just broke! My spirit is still here but I am mentally, physically, and emotionally broke. I still have enough fight in me to finish this competition because I will never quit. But I have had enough. I, just as everyone in this, has given more than we ever thought possible. I have done things that I never thought I would or could ever do. I have been pushed to limits beyond anything I have ever seen or heard. I have never once said no, I can't, I won't. I have always tried and I have always given it my all. But I am now to the point where I feel my all is not enough. I feel that nothing I do is enough. Yet I will keep pushing myself to do more. I am sorry if I have in anyway hurt anyones feelings. I am not crying or whining or bitching, so please don't kick me while I am down by posting any crap about me being a crybaby. I am just blogging to let all my friends know how I feel and I am here for them because I know right now some are in the same boat as I. I will keep paddling the boat for us no matter how rough this storm may get! DONT GIVE UP!